when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
