hotel room ftw
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
