I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
