she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
