you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
