Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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