well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
