R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
3 2 1 whiskey
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
