Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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