they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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