Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Life is so much better after having sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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