yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
