i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
