she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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