so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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