I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
