"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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