we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
