If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
