Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize