Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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