Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
