Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
