Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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