Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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