Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
