i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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