someone owes me an orgasm
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
