I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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