that's an acceptable place to lick
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A+ Viking dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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