He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
