shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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