i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
