dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
