also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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