God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We got so high we made milksteak
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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