You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
