i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
