I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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