We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
