He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
