carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
