my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
