i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
