I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize