He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
