If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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