The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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