??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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