Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
