So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.