I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.