i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.