I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.