Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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