Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today