Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
