I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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