Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
