Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
