I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
