I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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