well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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