dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
