he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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