I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
