there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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