dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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