I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
